The Morgan Stinson Conjecture
by morganxgarciaxxx
Summary: Several women have been murdered in NYC and the BAU is called in to solve the case. Old friends reunite, new friendships are formed, and Spencer Reid learns the importance of the Bro Code. This is a cross with How I Met Your Mother. Pairings are: Morgan/Garcia, Robin/Barney. As always, read and review! Heavy T, mostly for language and violent situations.
1. Prologue

_Hey! So this is a joint account for a story written by CeeCee333 and evgrrl09...let us know what you think!_

**"Kids," Ted began to his two children, "did I ever tell you the story of how in the spring of 2013 your Uncle Barney was accused of being a serial killer?"**

**Usually his daughter and his son complained about having to hear the stories he had about his past and how he met their mother, but now they looked interested. "People thought Uncle Barney was a serial killer?" his son blurted.**

**"Did he get arrested?" his daughter asked frantically.**

**He couldn't suppress his smile. Finally he was telling a story that held their interest. "Well, it's a funny story, one filled with FBI agents, romance, and action. And at the end of this story, I was in the same place as your mother for a brief period of time."**

**"Wait, FBI agents? Like Mr. and Mrs. Morgan? You know, Uncle Barney's friends?" his son asked, completely ignoring the fact that his mother would be coming up at some point.**

**"This story is actually when I first met them," he explained. "And in the mix, I also dated an FBI agent who worked with them at one point. There is so much to this story that has yet to be told. Without it, there are so many things that would not be the same today. So, I'm going to tell you what happened. It all began one spring night for us..."**

XXXXX

_The sun was streaming down through the trees that lined the seating of the wedding. Usually weddings had something that went wrong. A few cracked plates, missing flowers, a groom accidentally shaving off the hair on the top of his head. However, this one, this one was perfect. Every single detail had fallen seamlessly into place. Both the ring bearers were standing at the back of rows of seats, their fathers helping them straighten their small bow ties._

_"There," the younger boy's father said. "You both look rather -"_

_"Dashing!" the other boy's mother said, coming up behind them all. She moved her dark auburn hair behind her shoulders and leaned down to kiss her son's forehead. "Marvin, you look wonderful!" She smiled at the other boy. "Jace, you look great too!"_

_Jace's mother came up behind her husband and leaned her head on his arm. She smiled at her son and Marvin. "You both look so handsome!" Her eyes drifted up to her husband and the other man. "And I would say you both look handsome as well."_

_"Well, it's not everyday you get to see one of your Bros get married," Marvin's father said. "And if you're one of three best men, it's important to look your best." He put his arm around his wife and kissed her temple._

_The string quartet began to play a gentle tune and both men planted kisses on their wives' cheeks. "Well, that's our cue to to get into place! You, too, ladies."_

_Both women leaned down to kiss their sons and nodded. "You boys remember what to do, right?" the auburn haired woman asked._

_Jace and Marvin looked up and nodded vigorously. "We're ready!"_

_"Let's hope the bride and groom are, too," Jace's father said. He and Marvin's father went to stand by the groom, while the women went to join the bride who they would be walking down the aisle in front of. As the music began in full tune, the young boys started down the aisle as they had practiced the night before at rehearsal._

_The procession began down the aisle and everyone's eyes moved towards the beautiful woman coming down the aisle. Her eyes latched on to the gaze of the groom and a soft smile played upon her petal pink lips. She smiled wider when they were facing each other and he took her hands in his. In his eyes she could see the love and devotion he held her for her._

_It was that look in his eyes that made her believe that maybe, just maybe her fears from beforehand had been irrational. That look made her know that any fears she might have had were now irrelevant; she would go forward with her husband into the future._

_Their future._


	2. A Bro Should Never Say To Die For

_Read in Derek Morgan's voice:_

_"One of the greatest accomplishments in any person's life is if he can __trust someone other than him wholeheartedly and sustain it faithfully all __throughout his life. That's a perfect example of the real success." - Anju Somany_

Penelope Garcia unbuckled her chubby cheek toddler out of his car seat. Little Jace Morgan smiled as he grabbed a fistful of Penelope's blonde locks. P winced as she slowly and carefully pried her sons tiny chunky fingers out of her hair.

Penelope chuckled and said, "Jace, mommy spent a lot of time on her hair this morning."

Derek walked around the SUV to stand behind Penelope and whispered, "And daddy certainly appreciates it."

Derek gave Penelope a quick kiss on the cheek. He dipped his head into the SUV to give Jace a quick kiss to the forehead.

Derek saw Jace reach for Penelope's hair again, Derek chuckled and said, "Boy, cut your mama some slack."

Jace drooled his agreement. Penelope picked the toddler up as Derek struggled to grab all the things a toddler would need for his very first day at the F.B.I daycare.

Penelope carried a multi colored diaper bag on one arm, and Jace in the other.

Derek was struggling to hold on to a stroller, an insulated lunch bag filled with sippy cups, while trying to maintain some dignity with Jace's blanket slung over one shoulder, and another bag containing organic treats Penelope volunteered to bring for the other children in Jace's age group.

Derek had to stop walking to shift the stroller high up on his hip. He couldn't understand how it was possible a 2 year old would need so much crap to spend less than 8 hours in daycare, but Penelope insisted, and if he wanted to keep his wife from wiping him off the grid, his credit score, and his spot in the bed Derek knew he should just shut up and deal.

The little family made their way through the parking deck and came upon a set of elevators. Once the metal doors slid opened they stepped inside just in time to see Kevin running towards them. Derek sighed, but stuck his foot out anyway to keep the doors from shutting in his face.

Derek rolled his eyes as Kevin squeaked out a breathless, "Thanks, Agent Morgan."

Derek's eyes fell on the little sticker showing the max capacity of the elevator was 2500 lbs. He chuckled to himself, thinking how utterly ridiculous he must look right now being covered from the shoulders down in all things toddler.

After a few moments Jace decided to break the silence by giving his mother an endearing, albeit sloppy kiss on her face.

Penelope smiled at her son and said, "Aww, sweet kisses for Mommy!"

Kevin said, "Wow Jace has gotten big, how old is he now?"

Penelope smiled and said, "He turned 2 a few weeks ago."

Kevin asked, "Are you guys going to have anymore anytime soon?"

Simultaneously, Penelope said, "No" while Derek said, "Yes."

Penelope whipped her head in Derek's direction and said, "Yes?! What do you mean yes?"

Derek sighed and said, "I thought it would be nice to give Jace a playmate."

The elevator doors stopped. Penelope looked at Kevin and said, "See you later, Kevin."

Kevin smiled and said, "Yeah I'll see you later." Kevin gave Derek a sympathetic look before he exited the elevator.

Kevin walked quickly, as a newlywed himself he had gotten Agent Morgan in trouble. A large part of him felt sorry for Derek, but a little selfish part thought, Good.

Sure, he was happily married now, but one does not forget when they walk in on their girlfriend kissing another man. Especially when he asked several times if she had any interest in her best friend. Hell, even his therapist told him to cut and run.

Penelope, Jace, and Derek made their way to the bullpen.

Derek asked, "Honey, are you sure Jace needs all this stuff?"

Penelope nodded and said, "Of course. Don't worry most of his things we put his name on, and leave it."

Derek sighed in relief, but tensed up as he saw Rossi walking his way.

Rossi said, "Hey, Morgan. Nice blankie. Does wittle Derek get scared in his office?"

Derek said, "Can it, Rossi. Or if you are going to insult me, at least take one of the damn bags."

Rossi held his hands up and said, "No way kid. Butterflies don't go with my outfit."

Derek asked, "Butterflies?"

Rossi said, "Yeah, the diaper bag."

Derek looked down to see the diaper bag Penelope had been carrying, now slung over his shoulder.

Derek asked, "Baby Girl, you don't think I'm carrying enough?"

Penelope quipped, "I carried Jace for eight and a half months, I think you can carry a diaper bag."

Rossi scooped Jace up and said, "Hey, little buddy."

Jace grabbed a fisful of Rossi's beard, causing the older profiler to yelp out in pain.

Derek chuckled and said, "See? He sticks up for his old man."

Derek then said, "Okay, seriously this stuff is heavy. P just meet me at the daycare."

Derek continued his trek past the bullpen, up another set of elevators and into the daycare.

Rossi nodded his goodbye to Penelope and jogged down the long hallway to catch up with Derek.

Rossi strode next to Derek. He plucked a diaper bag from Derek's stroller, and took the blue fleece blanket covered in basketballs.

Derek said, "Thanks man."

Dave replied, "Don't worry about it."

Penelope was letting Jace walk as she held his hand.

Penelope looked at Derek and Rossi's retreating forms. Penelope couldn't help but shake her head and chuckle knowing full well why Rossi was so eager to help Derek.

Dave held one of the bullet-proof glass doors that led to the daycare, open for walked over to a desk with a sign in sheet. Derek quickly found Jace's name and scribbled his signature.

A young woman came from behind the said, "You must be Agent Morgan."

Derek smiled politely and said, "Yes, and you must be Miss. Caroline."

Miss Caroline said, "Oh shoot I forgot to wear my name tag. I don't get a fancy badge like you guys."

The young teacher looked around and asked, "Where's the little guy?"

Dave said, "My wife is bringing him shortly.

Caroline chuckled slightly and said, "I can see that you got stuck with pack mule duty."

Derek and Rossi both laughed.

The Derek heard a very familiar voice ask, "Derek Morgan where is my grandbaby?"

Caroline took a few objects out of Derek's hands and began writing Jace's name on them.

Derek said, "Dang mom you can't say good morning to your own son?"

Fran replied, "Sorry, and good morning. Now where is my grandson?"

Rossi said, "Fran he's with Penelope slowly but surely making their way here."

Fran's green eyes lit up when she saw Jace and Penelope walk into the center.

Jace pulled away from his mother, and ran towards Fran. Fran scooped the little boy up into her arms and said, "Hey there baby boy."

Jace showed a toothy grin and said, "Nana...nana...nana, we pway today?"

Fran nodded in the affirmative and said, "Yes Jace we are going to play today.

Jace clapped happily and smiled brightly allowing the dimples he inherited from Derek to show.

Fran Morgan had recently retired as a Nurse in Chicago, then she moved to Virginia and decided she needed a part time job. Derek let her know that the daycare was hiring, and it was the perfect opportunity for Fran to spend time with Jace.

Fran looked at Jace and asked, "Are you ready to meet new friends."

Jace loudly said, "I get fwends?!"

Penelope said, "You remember you are going to play with other kids who parents get the bad guys."

Jace said, "Kay. Can we pway now?"

Fran said, "We sure can, say bye to mommy, daddy, and gramps over there."

Rossi said, "Woman watch yourself."

Fran cocked an eyebrow and asked, "Or what?"

Derek cleared his throat and said, "Okay enough."

Derek leaned towards his mom and gave her a kiss on the cheek, and then he hugged Jace and said, "Buddy be good for grandma okay."

Jace toyed with Derek's glasses that were hooked on his soft dress shirt and said, "Kay."

Penelope plucked her son from Fran's arms and said, "I love you munchkin."

Penelope kissed Jace on the forehead. She leaned Jace towards Rossi, who ruffled the tykes hair and said, "Go get em Jace."

Fran put Jace on the floor to let him walk into the playroom. Once Fran and Jace were gone, and all the adult things Penelope had to take care, such as making copies of their badges and ids, and placing all the team members on the emergency contact and pick up list, the three headed towards the bullpen to start the day.

JJ came flying down the catwalk towards the stairs to take her down to the bullpen.

She breezed past Penelope, Derek, and Rossi and said, "War room in ten."

JJ stopped and gave Penelope a sympathetic squeeze on the arm. Penelope simply said, "At least I didn't cry."

JJ had one helluva time letting Henry go his first day at daycare, and she was a mess her first time on the jet after he was born.

JJ said, "I put together the presentation, because I figured you would be busy."

Penelope said, "Thanks Jayje. Oh shoot I better go fire up my other babies."

Penelope gave Derek a quick peck and said, " I'll see you in a few."

Derek said, "Okay baby girl."

Rossi rolled his eyes and said, "For the love of god, it's only ten minutes."

JJ who was headed to the break room said, "Shut up Rossi."

Derek shouted, "Thank you JJ."

Reid came barreling into the bullpen and said, "Sorry guys I overslept."

Rossi rolled his eyes and said, "I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that there was a Dr. Who marathon on all night."

Derek snorted and said, "Come on we need to get to the round table, JJ flew through here like her. ass was on fire."

Rossi, Reid, and Morgan walked into the meeting room and took their usual seats. Hotch was already seated with Emily sitting facing him on the opposite side of the table.

Emily held a paper bag with something that smelled delicious.

Derek asked, "He Prentiss what'cha got over there?"

Rossi said, "Whatever the hell it is smells good."

Prentiss smiled and said, "It's not for you, its for PG. She saved me from the date from hell."

Derek took a mock gasp and asked, "Who would dare upset princess Prentiss?"

Emily mumbled something.

Rossi said, "What did you say?"

Emily sighed and said, "Anderson."

Derek, and Rossi openly laughed.

Rossi wiped away a tear and asked, "Let me get this straight, you went on a date with Anderson?"

Emily rested her head on the round table and nodded her head yes.

Derek said, "You know we are going to make fun of you for this forever right?"

Reid said, "Come on guys, what's wrong with Anderson?"

Hotch interjected, "Nothing is wrong with Anderson, its just that, Emily is an alpha female, and Anderson doesn't exactly scream alpha male."

Reid said, "Well I could see Emily walking all over him."

That just made Derek and Rossi laugh harder.

JJ and Penelope walked into the war room. Penelope asked, "Okay, why are my Hot Stuff and Rossi laughing like two hyenas, and why does Emily look like she just swallowed her tongue?"

JJ groaned and said, "Em, please tell me you didn't tell them about Anderson?"

Emily lifted her head and said, "I cannot tell a lie. Yeah I told those two fools."

JJ sighed and said, "Well making fun of Emily is going to have to wait. Guys it's a bad one, with a high body count.

Rossi quipped, "Lovely."

JJ picked up the remote as Penelope took her place next to Emily, across from Derek.

JJ showed the first picture with her back turned to the screen. Rossi, Hotch, Reid, Morgan and Emily slid the lock on their tablets and started to follow along. Garcia already her laptop ready to start any searches, while the team brainstormed.

JJ said, "This is Angela Schafer. She is a 23 year old Caucasian female from upstate New York, Angela came from a wealthy family of doctors." JJ clicked a button on the remote to show the body of Angela.

JJ continued, "Angela was found behind an alley near the Ed Sullivan Theatre."

Rossi asked, "I wonder if that theatre is significant to the unsub, or was it an opportunistic dumping.

Morgan said, "From the pictures it looks like Angela was blitz attacked from behind."

Reid said, "Look at how many stab wounds there are. It is definitely overkill."

JJ showed the next photo. JJ said, "This is Carmen J Simms. She is a 25 year old African American woman. Carmen was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. She was a low level ad executive. There wasn't much information about her parents because she was raised by her grandmother."

Hotch said, "Just like Angela, she was also blitz attacked from behind, her body was found dumped in an alley in the Hell's Kitchen district."

JJ brought a screen that showed 4 faces, and 4 crime scene photos.

"The other girls are, Julie Glass, 26 year old dance instructor, found in an alley behind Goliath National Bank. Then we have Sayuri Moteki she is a curator at an art gallery. She was found outside of the World Wide News station. Next up is Giuliana Gallo, she is a waitress at MacLaren's Pub, she was found dead behind the bar same method of attack, but she had quite a few more stab wounds than any of the other girls. Finally we have Najla Masiah she is 27 years old and Egyptian American. She is an environmental lawyer, the rest of the women are on your tablets."

Reid swiped his finger across the screen and in shock said, "JJ there are 12 more."

Morgan asked, "Why didn't NYPD call us in sooner?"

Rossi snorted and said, "You know how stubborn those bastards can be, and they hate to ask for help."

Emily said, "Still, they should have called us. How they able to keep a lid on things?"

JJ said, "That is why I was here so early, I am literally begging every news outlet not to print anything yet, just in case it sends the unsub into hiding."

Penelope was typing rapidly and loudly.

Derek chuckled and said, "I think baby girl found something."

Rossi said, "Of course she did. It's what Garcia does."

Garcia said, "It looks like all of our girls had online dating profiles. All of them had eHarmony accounts, but some of them belonged to more...uhhh sketchier sites."

Penelope just turned the laptop around.

Reid asked, "What the hell is that?"

Rossi leaned passed Reid to look at the site.

Rossi said, "I have seen it all."

Penelope said, "Guys this is iHookup. It's a site dedicated to no-strings-attached sex."

Derek snorted and said, "That is why God invented bars."

Penelope rolled her eyes and said, "This is for people who want to date."

Prentiss said, "Good grief Garcia, its a site dedicated to getting off online, not in person."

Penelope said, "Yeah what Emily so eloquently said. Anyway, there are a few more sites like this, not all of them are just cyber sex either. Our lawyer liked leather and lace."

Reid impatiently said, "Okay now that we have done the briefing, Prentiss what is in that bag that smells so good."

Emily rolled her eyes and said, "Fine." Emily pulled out two containers, one held chocolate chip muffins, and the other had cranberry muffins.

Rossi went to reach for one but Emily pulled the treats back and said, "You have to ask Garcia...these are for her."

Penelope pretended to mull it over, but after looking at the hopeful men in the room, she shrugged and said, "I guess so, but if I hear one word about you teasing my cupcake for going on a date with Anderson, I will make you regret it."

Reid, Morgan, and Rossi said like chastised children, "Yes, ma'am."

Emily handed out the treats. Around a bite of the muffin Hotch said, "We need to get to New York soon, wheels up in 45. Garcia, you are coming with us."

Penelope sighed and said, "Sure bossman." At one time Penelope would have loved to have gone with the team, but now she had Jace who she was going to miss terribly. But thankfully there was Fran, and she trusted Fran completely with her son."

Penelope was brought out of her thought when she heard Reid yelp in pain.

JJ asked, "Morgan why in the hell did you just smack Reid upside his head?"

Morgan and Rossi glared at Spencer. Rossi said, "Tell 'em kid."

Reid sighed and said, "I broke the bro code."

Emily said, "You have got to be kidding me."

Morgan said, "Prentiss, this man lives by the code and dies by the code.

Penelope looked at JJ and Emily and said, "Yes and that same man sleeps on the couch because of his code."

Rossi said, "Cock-blocked by the bro code, now that is dedication."

JJ said, "Dedication my ass, it's stupid."

Hotch shocked everyone when he said, "Article 33 of the Bro Code, saying "It's to die for." is in direct violation of bro code.

Reid asked, "What's wrong with me saying that about a stupid muffin?"

As the team gathered their things and proceeded to walk out of the room. Rossi stopped Reid in the doorway and said, "Kid its not something you read its instinctual."

Rossi shook his head and said, "Spencer for a genius you have a lot to learn."

_Read in Barney Stinson's voice:_

_"I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself." - Johnny Carson_


	3. A Bro Shall Not Wear His Phone On A Belt

Disclaimer: We own nothing.

Here's Chapter 2! Enjoy!

Life's pretty good, and why wouldn't it be? I'm a pirate, after all. - Johnny Depp (as read by Barney Stinson)

Barney strolled into MacLaren's around ten o'clock in the evening, a smug bounce in his walk. As he made his way towards the table him and his gang usually occupied, he grinned at their raised eyebrows and barely concealed smirks. Ted and Marshall just blinked at him, Lily smirked and cocked one of her perfectly shaped brows at him, and Robin was biting her lip to keep from bursting out in laughter.

His gaze stopped on Robin and their eyes held for a moment. Her bright blue eyes were sparkling with amusement as she observed him.

"Er, Barney?" Lily asked, tipping her beer up to her lips. "What the hell are you wearing?"

Barney looked down at his outfit and then back up at his friends. "What does it look like?" he asked. "I'm a pirate." He tipped his giant brimmed hat with a long red feather attached and removed it from his head, revealing a black eyepatch. He sat back and nodded, gesturing to his baggy brown pants, heavy dark boots, and black overcoat. "I'm wearing my pirate's gear."

"Where's your parrot?" Marshall snickered.

Ted laughed in agreement. "Haha, yeah," he said. "And your sword? You're missing your sword."

"Ted, my good man," he stated. "Not all pirates carry swords. Many of them carry pistols." Opening his jacket, he produced a fake, antique looking pistol. "Observe."

A laugh sputtered out of Robin's mouth, and she giggled, "And why are you dressed like Jack Sparrow?"

Barney turned to look at her and grinned simply. For a moment he was at a loss for words. He was still struggling with their break-up, despite the fact he didn't show it. He loved Robin, he loved everything about her. Right now, with her smiling at him, there was a small pang under his ribs where his heart was. Every day it was becoming harder and harder to hide the fact that he missed her. So he was doing everything possible to cover his feelings.

His way of hiding? Returning to his old ways. Currently, his pirate charade was a new move from the Playbook.

"It's my newest play," he said. "Essentially, I find a girl, tell her I'm on my way off to an adventure, then offer to share with her some of my jewels." He dug into one of the giant coat's pockets and produced several fake pieces of jewelry. "I offer to take her back to my ship, and the rest is history." He gave all of them two thumbs up.

Ted shook his head. "Seriously, Barney?" he asked. "You really think that one is gonna work?"

"If the SNASA can work, why wouldn't whatever the hell this one's called work?" Marshall snorted. He glanced at his watch. His eyes shot to Lily's. "Hey, Baby," he added, "what time is the babysitter watching Marvin 'til?"

"We're good until one a.m.," Lily said with a satisfied nod. Suddenly, her attitude changed to complete seriousness. "Barney, now that we've gotten the pirate outfit out of the way, there's something else we need to talk about."

He tore his gaze from Robin to meet Lily's eyes. "What would that be?" he asked, sipping his drink.

She dug into her huge hobo bag and pulled out a copy of the morning's paper. She set it down in front of Barney. The front page headline read: "Serial Killer Targeting New York's Women". He lifted an eyebrow and slid the paper closer to himself. Apparently there was a serial killer loose that had killed over ten women. Why Lily was showing him this, he didn't know. He looked back up at her and said, "Er, why exactly are you showing me this?"

Lily started tapping the front page again. "You didn't look to read any of it," she muttered. "You need to look at what the names are." She scrutinized him as he scanned the article. He shrugged and looked back up at her. Seeing at his blank expression, she rolled her eyes and smacked him upside the head. "Barney! You don't even remember who those women are, do you?"

"Why? Should I remember who they all were?"

Ted took the paper and looked to where Lily had been pointing. "Come to think of it," he said, "some of these names look familiar. Like this one...Angela Schafer. Wasn't she that doctor's daughter? Really rich chick? Oh, and here's that Najila girl, that lawyer!" He looked up at Barney. "Barney, these are all women you dated!"

Marshall looked at it with Ted. His lips pursed together. "Barney, do you really not find this weird at all? These are women you've dated."

Shaking his head, Barney finished off his drink. "I don't think it's that weird," he said, completely unconcerned. "I went on one date with those girls. That's hardly a reason to start worrying about hiring a defense attorney." He paused before grinning at Marshall. "But I know where to get one if I need one." He nodded in his direction.

Lily frowned. "Barney, they're calling in the FBI. This is serious!"

"Worry not, maties," he said with a grin. As he was about to say more, a blonde at the bar caught his attention. It was easy to see her hair color came from a bottle, her eyes were brown, and her breasts were too small. The perfect way to distract himself from Robin. Rising to his feet, he picked up his tumbler and said, "Now, if you'll excuse me. I've found my booty for the evening."

Then put his hat back atop his head and started for the bar.

XXXXX

Robin watched as Barney started for the bar and for a skinny bottle blonde. Her spirit sank lower and lower as she watched him begin to chat up the girl, flagging down the bartender to get them two drinks. She sighed and took another sip of her drink. She wished she could just forget about Barney. But it was close to impossible.

She still loved him.

Ted and Marshall rose to their feet. "We're gonna grab some more drinks," Marshall said. "Can we get you guys more to drink?"

Both the women shook their heads, and as they walked away, Lily looked over at Robin. Her face was sympathetic. "Robin, are you okay?" she asked gently. "You seem very...off."

Robin sipped her drink. "I'm fine," she lied sheepishly. "Nothing wrong." She averted her gaze and looked down at the rim of her glass.

"Don't lie to me, Scherbatsky," Lily scolded. "You should know better than to try and lie to your friends."

Rubbing her temples, she finished the rest of her drink. "I don't know," she muttered tiredly. "I - I just miss...I miss..." Her voice trailed off. She looked up at Lily and sighed one more time. She didn't really know how to talk about how she was feeling. She wasn't as open about her emotions as Lily was.

"You miss Barney," Lily murmured.

"Yeah, that," she grumbled. "I would love to just purge myself of emotion right now." She looked at Barney and the giggling girl he was talking to. It was enough to bring her to tears. He looked so normal, like he didn't miss her at all. He was already back to flirting and sleeping with other women.

"Do you want me to kick his ass for you?" Lily's voice broke through her thinking process and she grinned at her.

"Only if you want to," she said sheepishly, bringing her bottle up to clink with Lily's.

XXXXX

Barney's cellphone rang and he glanced down at his caller ID. He grinned. Well, this was someone he hadn't heard from in a long time. Glancing at his blonde target - was her name Sheila? - he tipped his hat. "Argh, maiden," he said. "I've got to take this call."

She frowned. "I thought pirates didn't have cellphones," she whined. "Do you have to take that call?"

"Aye," he said. "But I'll be back." He stepped outside and answered his phone. "Well, if it isn't Derek Morgan, my partner in wingman crime! How the hell have you been?"

"Amazing," Derek chuckled. "Although I won't be needing a wingman anytime soon, or at all in the future."

Barney was utterly confused and crushed. Had his former college buddy just said he didn't need a wingman anymore? Derek Morgan was one of Barney's best friends from college. The two of them had been wingmen for each other. And they were the best of the best wingmen. Where one went, the other followed to the same bar and helped pick up the hottest, most fabulous chicks in the bar.

"Er, what do you mean, Morgan?" he asked nervously.

Derek laughed loudly. "Well, I got married," he said happily. "And two years ago we had a baby, a little boy."

"I never thought I'd hear that from you, of all people," Barney said, cracking a smile. "Well, I'm happy for you, Morgan. You deserve it." He really did. Derek was an incredibly hard-working, good-hearted man. "What's the lucky lady's name, and the little guy's?"

He could practically hear the joy and love in Derek's voice. "Penelope. And our son's name is Jace."

"That's awesome, Bro," Barney said. "But you still follow the Code right?" He took the Bro Code seriously. Even if Derek was married now, he still had obligations to the Code that kept the Bros the Bros.

"All but Article twenty six," Derek said. "Seeing as I have a kid, I can now use a belt clip for my phone. It's good to keep there too for when I'm in the field. Which is why I'm calling; my team is coming into town to solve a case. When we finish up, I was thinking you and I and my wife could meet up for drinks. How does that sound?"

"Bro, I would not miss a chance to meet up with you," he said. "Let me know when you're free and we'll get together at MacLaren's, my home bar."

Derek laughed deeply again. "I'm down with it," he said. "Talk to you soon, Bro."

"The mark of an immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one." - J.D. Salinger (as read by Derek Morgan)


	4. A Bro Must Tell A Bro Of A Girl Fight

Morgan/Stinson Conjecture Ch 3.

28) A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a fight between two fellow human beings of the female variety. If an informed bro is unable to witness the fight first hand, a spotter bro is responsible for documenting and relating details of girl fight via pictures, video or, barring any other reasonable method, interpretive dance and/or pantomime.

Morgan shook his head as he clipped his cell phone back onto his belt. He sauntered towards the jet and quickly boarded. He then flopped down in his usual seat next to Prentiss.

Emily looked oddly at Derek and asked, "What are you so happy about?"

Derek smirked and said, "I am reuniting with one of the greatest Wingman in history."

Rossi snorted and said, "Come on, I think you are exaggerating just a bit here."

Derek replied, "Man, you ain't seen nothing until you have seen Barney Stinson in action." He leaned forward and said, "We once picked up two flight attendants dressed like MC Hammer back up dancers."

Emily laughed and asked, "How in the hell did you pull that off?" She shook her head in disbelief and added, "No way that worked."

Derek sat back and said, "Prentiss, it was like taking candy from a baby. Barney comes up with this idea that we dress the part to be convincing so we put those stupid hammer pants on, and these butt ugly neon shirts. We talk to them, and at the same time we dance around like idiots."

Hotch openly chuckled and said, "That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard."

Derek shrugged and said, "Maybe so, but it worked."

JJ said, "Those girls must have been morons to fall for that."

Derek said, "Or it was a genius plan." Penelope looked up from the laptop screen to glare at him. Quickly, he added, "But my Wingman days are over."

Penelope snapped in reply, "Oh, they had better be."

Reid said, "I just don't get the whole Wingman thing."

Rossi said, "Don't worry kid, I'll teach you."

Reid muttered, "No, thank you. I would rather go for quality, not quantity."

Derek chuckled and said, "Suit yourself Pretty Boy."

JJ rolled her eyes and said, "Like I said . First this Bro Code mess, and now this. You will not corrupt Spence with this nonsense."

Rossi said, "Jayje, I hate to break it to you but, Will follows the code too."

"I bet he doesn't," JJ argued back.

Rossi said, "Most men follow it. It's a fact...just face it."

Hotch said, "I have followed the Code from the time I got my first chest hair."

JJ stared at Hotch like he was crazy.

Emily said, "Okay. Enough of this. Can we please get back to the case?"

Morgan said, "Anything for SSA Emily Anderson...oh my bad! I meant Prentiss." He grinned devilishly. He jumped when he felt one of Penelope's troll dolls pelt him on the arm. "Ouch. Sorry, Emily." He sounded like a chastised child.

Emily narrowed her eyes and said, "The next person to bring it up gets shot in the ass, do I make myself clear?"

All the men in the jet nodded, blinking several times in the process.

Hotch shook his head and said, "Seriously, back to the case. Garcia, I need for you to do more digging into the personal lives of our victims. I want financial records, their daily habits, and check more into their dating lives. I want a more definitive connection between them."

Garcia saluted and said, "On it, boss man."

Penelope started her searches. She was drawn out of her thoughts by a ding from her cell phone. She smiled when she looked down at a picture of a freshly bathed Jace in his F.B.I pajamas Derek had got for him. Jace held his hand towards the phone and was smiling. The photo had a message that read, "Goodnight, Mommy and Daddy."

Penelope felt her heart clench in her chest. Derek sat next to her and asked, "Sweetheart, are you all right?"

Wordlessly, Penelope showed him the picture. He drew her into his arms and said, "I miss him too, Baby Girl."

Penelope sighed sadly and said, "I didn't even get to sing the goodnight song with him."

Derek kissed the top of her head and said, "I'll make sure we get a chance to sing it to him soon. Okay, baby?"

Penelope said, "Okay, handsome."

Derek smiled his special smile for her and said, "That's my girl." He stood up and headed to the back of the cabin to pour himself a cup of coffee."

Hotch sat down in front of Garcia and said, "I know how you feel. It was tough leaving Jack for the first time, but you get used to it. Sure I miss some of the important things, but I take comfort in knowing that I take the bad guys off the street, so they can't hurt him."

Penelope smiled. "Thanks, Hotch. I needed to hear that."

Hotch stood up after Derek walked by and squeezed Penelope's shoulder in quiet understanding, and made his way back towards the other members of the B.A.U.

XXXXX

The jet touched down in New York at 2 a.m. After speaking with the local police department they all decided that they would check into the hotel and head to the precinct bright and early.

After a short discussion, it had been decided that the team would share rooms like they always did even before Morgan and Garcia were married, so for them it meant that they could sleep in the same room, which only left Rossi aggravated because Reid spouted random facts in his sleep.

Thanks to that pain in the ass habit, Rossi knew the estimated amount of quills a porcupine had.

After a brief meeting in the lobby, Hotch called it a night and everyone headed off to bed.

Once inside the hotel room Morgan and Garcia sat side by side on the bed in utter exhaustion. Penelope started pulling off all of her colorful adornments, and Derek headed for the bathroom for a quick shower.

By the time Derek was done in the bathroom he had noticed that Penelope had fallen asleep. He crawled into bed behind her and said, "Goodnight, P."

Penelope simply said, "Night."

XXXXX

Derek woke up to the sound of banging on his hotel room door. Hotch said, "Morgan, Garcia you up in there we got another body."

Derek groused, but still got out of bed, Penelope mumbled for Jace to go back to sleep.

Derek chuckled and said, "Come on, Garcia, get up."

Penelope threw a pillow at Derek and mumbled, "You get up."

Derek headed to the bathroom to change and squeeze in a quick shave.

Penelope still in her penguin pajamas looked around after placing her glasses on realizing she wasn't at home.

Penelope was brought out of her thoughts by someone knocking on the door. Penelope smiled as JJ held out two cups of coffee.

JJ said, "Garcia, we need to get a move on."

Penelope took a sip of the piping hot coffee and sighed and said, "After a few more of these, I will resemble a human being."

JJ chuckled and said, "Morgan, move your ass, we have to go."

Derek stuck his head out of the bathroom and said, "Why you yellin' at me? I was up before sleeping beauty was."

Penelope quipped back, "Because I take less time to get ready, princess."

Derek chuckled and hurriedly continued getting ready.

Once Derek was ready to go he gave a quick goodbye to Penelope and JJ and headed out with the rest of the team.

JJ and Penelope were headed to the police department to get setup, and later JJ would enter the field with the rest of the team.

They walked into the precinct with two laptop bags in tow. JJ scanned the room looking for the lead detective. She also took notice that there were very few women in the precinct who weren't just there answering phones. JJ glared at one officer who stared at both blondes unabashedly. She figured at some point she would have to show him how scary a woman with a gun could be. She wasn't the least concerned for Penelope. That woman had a way of winning over any crowd, including the male chauvinist kind.

"Let's get started then," she breathed, following Penelope.

XXXXX

Reid, Rossi and Morgan were headed to the first dumpsite NYPD found.

The three men stood outside of the Ed Sullivan theatre, looking around for any clues as to the struggle that happened between Angela Schaffer and the Unsub.

Reid said, "Hey guys, check this out. It looks like a small piece of cloth, maybe it came from the Unsub."

Rossi snorted and said, "Or it could've come from the many prostitutes or homeless people that stay here at night."

Morgan said, "True, but it doesn't hurt to ask around, and see if they noticed anything strange."

Rossi sighed but said, "Sure, let's get this over with. It's cold as hell out here."

Reid replied, "You know that statement comes from Dante's Inferno? It is believed to be that hell isn't just all about fire and brimstone, why..."

Rossi put his hand up and said, "Kid, I am quite familiar with Dante's Inferno. It is from the 14th-century epic poem Divine Comedy. So let me stop you right there."

Morgan chuckled at the exchange.

Morgan stopped laughing when he saw two prostitutes fighting in an alley. Reid started walking towards them intent on breaking up the fight. Rossi stopped him and said, "Let's see where this goes."

Reid stared at Rossi in disbelief. "Rossi, as the law we are required to break them up."

Morgan said, "No local law enforcement is obligated. We haven't been invited in on this particular case."

Rossi chuckled and said, "Ah, code number 28."

After a few moments one of the women pulled out a switchblade, Morgan and Rossi knew when enough was enough.

Derek held up his badge and said, "Alright ladies, ding round is over, go back to your corners."

A passerby said, "Solid joke, bro."

Reid murmured, "I just don't understand."

After getting back to the task at hand, Rossi managed to find a drunk bum who thought he might have seen something for a bottle of whisky. The homeless man reminded Rossi of someone he knew years ago.

Rossi shook his head, but bought a bottle anyway.

The bum mumbled about the size of the bottle, but was a little helpful. He gave a vague description. He said the person he saw, was a woman who was dressed way too fancy to be behind an alley. The bum just figured she was dragged out. He said the next thing he knew someone was dragging the woman by her feet, but like he told them earlier, he was too drunk to be sure.

Rossi, Morgan, and Reid thanked the man for his help. Rossi slipped the man a card and said, "If you decide to get clean call me. I know a couple of guys who could use a construction worker."

With that the bum waved, but didn't really take what Rossi said to heart. Rossi just hoped the next person found dead in an alley behind the Ed Sullivan theatre wouldn't be that guy.


	5. A Bro Shall Not Give Full A Full Embrace

Disclaimer: We own nothing.

Here's the new one!

Bro Code, Article 42:

Upon greeting another Bro, a Bro may engage in a high five, a fist bump, or a Bro hug, but never a full embrace.

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them - Ralph Waldo Emerson (as read by Barney Stinson)

"So the FBI is in town?" Robin asked Ted and Lily as the three of them sat in their usual booth. Marshall had yet to join them from work, and Barney was currently nowhere to be found. "Do you think they'll come around asking Barney anything?"

Lily shrugged. "I have no idea," she admitted, sipping her beer.

"If he's lucky they'll just question him, not consider him a major suspect," Ted said. "We've got to make sure he has an idea of what might be coming his way."

"Well, Marshall's the lawyer," Lily said. "We'll talk to him."

Robin sighed and bit her lip. She hadn't seen Barney since his pirate routine, but he'd been sure to text her and the rest of the group all about the evening he'd spent with the girl dumb enough to buy the "Pirate Play". That had stung. "I just hope he's okay," she said with concern.

Lily met her eyes and gave her a sympathetic look. "He will be," she said. "We know he didn't do it. Barney may be a man whore, but he would never kill someone." She looked towards the door and her face broke into a grin when she saw Marshall come in. "Well, there's my Marshmallow now!" She waved. "Hi, Baby!"

He sat down in the empty seat next to Ted and kissed his wife on the cheek. "We're going to have to be home in two hours," he reported. "That's when the babysitter is done."

"Sounds good," Lily said. "We're just talking about Barney and all the shit revolving around this serial killer."

"Does he know they'll probably be coming to question him?" Marshall asked, sipping the beer Lily had ordered for him.

Robin rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah," she said. "We've gone over this. Just tell us, Mr. Lawyer, if he'll be okay."

"He'll be fine as long as he didn't do anything," Marshall said. "And we all know he didn't do anything. The guy couldn't hurt anyone...well, he could do a number on their emotional health, but killing them the way this killer killed them? He doesn't have that in him."

"We've already established that," Robin growled, crossing her arms over her chest.

Marshall, Lily, and Ted all fixed her with probing looks and she huffed. "Tell us what's going on," Ted said, leaning forward in his seat. "You're really down, that much is clear."

She looked at them and blew out a sigh. "Fine," she grumbled. "I'm pissed at Barney for getting into this mess. And for sending us those very graphic text messages regarding his latest escapade as a pirate."

"Yeah, those were gross," Ted said with a grimace. "But, I thought you were over that relationship?"

She sat up straighter and put on a defensive front. "I am over it," she snapped. "I'm just...I don't get how he can be so nonchalant about it. I mean, was our relationship nothing to him?"

Their faces were sympathetic as they looked at her. "Sweetie, he's an idiot," Lily said. "If he doesn't see that, then he'll die a long slow death of syphilis that he catches from a bimbo from Ohio."

Cocking a brow, Robin looked at her and laughed. "Well, at least I can stay cheery with you, Lil," she said.

"Hey, you've got us, too!" Marshall protested, feeling slightly neglected. "We're here for you!"

"As much as I love you, Marshall, you're just not a girl," she explained. "There's just not as much you can do in the way of comforting a female over problems with male companions."

Lily nodded. "It just doesn't work that way, boys," she said, shrugging nonchalantly. "Deal with it."

"What do Marshall and Ted need to deal with?" Barney asked as he came in and plopped down in the end seat.

Ted raised his eyebrows at Barney. "Normal outfit today, eh, Barney?" he asked, avoiding the question Barney had asked. His eyes met Robin's and he gave her a wink. She smiled in return. At least three of her best friends had her back.

"Yeah, it's just a normal, suit-loving day for this Bro," Barney said, sitting back with a broad grin. "Today, my good gentlemen and ladies, was a good day, too. I had the good fortune of coming across a lady of whom I will be meeting her tonight in about." He paused to look down at his watch to calculate the time. "One hour."

"What kind of lady are you meeting tonight?" Ted asked sarcastically.

"A Russian gymnast," Barney responded proudly. "And it's gonna be legen - wait for it, 'cause it's comin' up fast! - dary! Legendary!"

Angrily, Robin clenched her fists and slapped her palm firmly on the table in front of her. "Barney, can you at least for one second pretend this thing with the FBI being in town bothers you?" she demanded. "You went on dates with all of those dead girls...you don't think the police will come looking for you to ask you questions?"

Barney appeared taken back by Robin's harsh words. But as if nothing was wrong, he recomposed himself and said, "Well, I'll have you know, Scherbatsky, that I have a buddy in the FBI who happens to be coming into town and he hasn't said anything about me being a suspect in any case."

"What if they haven't found out that you dated the girls?" she asked. "When they do, your FBI buddy will be making a trip to see you, and -"

Lily put a hand on Robin's arm and interrupted her. "Okay, Robin," she said calmly. "Why don't you and I go and get some fresh air?" Instead of waiting for a response from her though, Lily pulled her by the arm and started to lead her from the bar.

Barney jerked a thumb in Robin's direction. "What's up with Robin tonight?" he asked.

Neither Ted nor Marshall said anything; they both merely shrugged and went on drinking.

XXXXX

Penelope sat at her screens, rapidly typing away and searching the dating website that all the victims had frequented. The boys were supposed to be arriving back soon after a trip to one of the dumpsites. Currently, she was in the process of finding them anything she could on the women. And one thin - rather, one person - kept coming up.

A man named Barney Stinson.

Each and every woman had dated him from the website. He was a lover and leaver. She'd done a basic background check to find out what he was all about. The man clearly spent lots of money on himself, having a great apartment in Manhattan and more than multiple thousand dollar purchases on suits.

Strangely enough, he'd gone to the same college as Derek.

Then, the thought occurred to her...this was the man who had been Derek's legendary wingman in college. And apparently he was still sleeping around. This guy hadn't had a standing relationship since a woman named Robin Scherbatsky, and even that one hadn't lasted very long. The only arrest he'd had was one many years ago and it was for public urination. He'd served one hundred hours of community service in a soup kitchen.

She wrinkled her nose. Derek had associated with this man? What the hell had possessed him to do that?

Yeah, she was definitely asking about this.

For the next hour she continued her searching uninterrupted, and most of her searching revolved around the Stinson man. And each time she thought she found one more chauvinistic thing to add to his repertoire, she found one that was worse a few minutes later

"How you doing, Baby Girl?" Derek asked, interrupting her thought process as he, Rossi, and Reid re-entered the precinct after examining the first dumpsite. "Get me anything good?"

She pursed her lips and smirked. "Mon cher, I always have something good for you," she purred as he came up behind her and looked at her computer screens. Dropping a kiss on her cheek, she smiled, but then reminded herself that she had something she had to talk to him about. "So I was doing a little digging and I found something in common about all these women."

He raised an eyebrow and nodded. "Okay...what'd you dig up?"

"It was on their dating websites," she explained, pulling up her list on her legal pad that she'd written. "Baby, they all had one man they all dated...Barney Stinson."

Her husband was deathly silent. Clenching his jaw, he nodded. "Well then, I'd better grab Rossi. Where can we find him? Does the page tell you where? I'd rather not call him first."

She observed him carefully a moment and murmured, "Derek, are you gonna be okay doing this? I know you don't talk about him much these days, but he's still a friend. Should you -"

He put a finger to her lips and shook his head. "I'll be fine. He'll be more receptive to me than just a bunch of other people who are strangers to him," he said. "Now, the address?"

Nodding skeptically, she jotted down an address and said, "MacLaren's Pub. It's his usual hangout."

Derek leaned down and kissed his wife's cheek. "Alright, Baby Girl," he said. "I'm outta here."

"Stay safe."

XXXXX

"You know, you should ease up on talking about your dates," Ted said to Barney as both of them and Marshall were getting refills on their drinks. They still had an hour before Marshall and Lily had to leave, and they were making the most of it. "You're really upsetting her."

Marshall nodded. "Yeah, man," he agreed.

Barney frowned at them. "Why does Robin care?" he asked. "This is me...she's one of my best friends. It's how I roll."

"Yeah, but she's still taking the breakup kind of hard. It's not fair to her." Ted fixed him with a hard look and then Barney began to feel guilty. Never in the whole world would he want to hurt Robin. It wasn't anything he wanted. He loved her.

As he was about to respond, a very familiar voice said, "Well, here's a Bro I haven't seen in a long, long time." A smile spread across Barney's face and he turned to see Derek Morgan and another, older gentleman standing next to him. Derek smiled and walked forward. "How about a Bro hug for your long lost wingman?"

"As long as it's not a full on embrace, I'm all for it," he said, going forward with a grin and clasping his arm over Derek's shoulder. "Good to see you, Bro. But I thought you weren't coming for another few days. And where's your wife?"

Derek's face turned grim after that. "Barney, I'm here with David Rossi because we need to ask you a few questions...about some women that got murdered."

Ted, Marshall, and Barney all looked at Morgan and Rossi and gulped simultaneously. "Okay, then," Barney said, resuming his normal front. "Ask away."

Time doesn't take away from friendship, nor does separation. - Tennessee Williams (as read by Derek Morgan)


	6. A Bro Shall Never Wear Pink

**Disclaimer: We own nothing.**

_Bro code Article 47:A Bro never wears pink. Not even in Europe_

_Read in Penelope__'__s voice:_

_Is it a crime, to fight, for what is mine?_

_Tupac Shakur _

Rossi quirked his eyebrows and said, "Son, I would love nothing more than to stay in this bar and have a scotch on the rocks, but procedure says we need to take you down to the station."

Barney tried to remain cool and calm. He simply straightened out his silk tie and said, "Sure. This Bro has nothing to hide."

Derek tried to smile, but he couldn't quite hide the look of worry on his face.

Barney said, "Come on Morgan, you know I didn't do this, so no worries."

Derek placed a hand on Barney's shoulder and said, "Come on man, the sooner we get down to the station, the sooner we can get this over with."

Marshall looked from Barney to Derek

Marshall sighed and said, "Barney, you ride with them, and we will meet you down at the station."

Barney took his last swallow of beer. Rossi and Morgan made their way towards the exit. Barney stopped in his tracks and asked, "Hey Morgan, you minding slapping the cuffs on me."

Derek chuckled when he noticed a table of tough looking tattooed chicks eyeing Barney.

Rossi rolled his eyes and said, "You have the right to remain-

Rossi reached behind him and pulled his cuffs out,roughly placed them on Barney's wrists. Derek in his sternest voice said, "Barney Stinson you are an evil piece of work."

Barney saw one of the women eye him up and down as he was being drug out of the bar.

Lily stepped in front of the two F.B.I agents and Barney and asked, "Where are you taking him?"

Rossi said, "This piece of garbage is coming down town."

Barney replied, "She's a friend."

Rossi nodded and said, "Oh. Well we are taking him to the station for questioning. Rossi pointed at Barney and continued, " The cuffs were his idea."

Robin rolled her eyes and asked, "Barney, can you take anything seriously?"

Barney looked at Robin and said, "Of course. I take my suit game very seriously."

Lily shrugged, but hugged Barney anyway and said, "We'll be down soon."

"Thanks," Barney said as Rossi and Morgan took him to the waiting black SUV.

Rossi was sitting in the passenger seat texting Hotch that they found had Barney.

Rossi looked up from his iPhone and asked, "So, you're the world's greatest wingman, huh?"

Barney smiled and said, "Yes. That I am."

Rossi looked back at Barney and said, "So you two idiots really dressed up like backup dancers?"

Barney said, "Hell yeah we did, and it worked too."

Derek chuckled and shook his head and said, "Since we are going down to the station, I guess it would be a good time to meet my wife."

Barney's smile faded a little. Perhaps it was the fact that his Bro was now married with a kid, or maybe it was because Barney had intended to propose to Robin before their relationship went straight to hell. Either way, he was a little nervous. He shook himself out of his thoughts. He plastered a fake smile on his face and said, "Sure I would love to. She has to be one helluva woman to snag the great Derek Morgan."

Rossi said, "Ha...This chicken ass fool took damn near ten years to ask Penelope out. Had it been me, I would have asked her out the day I met her."

Derek looked intently at Rossi and said, "Yeah, okay so it took me a while to get it."

Rossi snorted and said, "A while…..Understatement of the century."

Derek said, "Plus she had a boyfriend."

Rossi and Barney at the same time both said, "So?"

Derek gaped at the both of them quickly before shifting his eyes back to the road. "Man, I might have been a player, but I am no home wrecker."

Barney coughed out, "Bull….Shit.."

Rossi cocked an eyebrow and asked, "What was that?"

Barney chucked a thumb towards Morgan and said, "So, you are gonna sit here and say you never hooked up with a married woman?"

Morgan cleared his throat and said, "Doesn't count if you don't know."

Rossi said, "Do tell."

Derek sighed and said, "In college I had a side lawn business. I mowed a couple of lawns every weekend to help pay for my books and stuff. I knew the lady had kids, but I didn't know she was married."

Barney said, "Tell Agent Rossi what happened next."

Derek through gritted teeth said, "Not now Barney."

Rossi replied, "Yes now."

Derek huffed but continued, "Look, I was at her house one night. Her kids were at a sleepover or something. I was in the middle of gettin my groove thang on when this almost seven foot tall mother fucker is barreling into the room. I barely got my boxers on before I jumped out of her second story window."

Rossi barked out a laugh and said, "Kid don't feel bad. Been there, done that."

Barney said, "Tell him the best part."

Derek said, "A few years after that, I met this nice girl named Tracy."

Barney interjected, "And by nice he means big boobs."

Anyway." Derek said. "She wants me to meet her parents. I normally don't do stuff like that, but she talked me into it. I see her front door open and her mom and dad are standing there. Guess who her mom was?"

Rossi was now howling with laughter.

Rossi wiped away some stray tears and asked, "How did you handle that?"

Derek said, "The only thing I could do was haul ass to my car and drive off, while her dad went to find a baseball bat."

Rossi pulled smoothly into a parking spot at the station, still sputtering with laughter.

Derek grabbed his cuff key from his utility belt and uncuffed Barney.

Barney was rubbing his wrists as he said, "So, how will this all go down?"

Rossi who had started to like Barney said, "First we are just going to bring you in for question. And trust me when I say this, you are damn lucky Morgan here knows you because this car ride would have been very different."

Barney looked to Morgan and said, "My Bro always had my back."

Rossi then said, "As for the rest of the team, they might not be as umm...friendly, so I would tread lightly, and for godsakes what ever you do, do not hit on any of our female agents."

Barney shrugged and asked, "What's the worst that could happen?"

Just then Prentiss came barreling out of the precinct with her phone planted firmly to her ear.

Prentiss covered the mouthpiece of the phone and looked at Rossi and Morgan and said, "The fuck ups who were suppose to deliver the rest of PG's equipment lost one of her babies!"

Derek sighed and asked, "How ballistic is she going right now?"

Prentiss looked intently at Derek and said, "You remember the time you got into an argument about she-who-shall-remain-nameless?"

Derek nodded not trusting himself to speak.

Prentiss quipped, "Well, put it this way you wish she was only that pissed."

Rossi scrubbed his beard roughly with his hand and said, "God help us all."

Prentiss casted a quick glance over at Barney and snidely said, "So this is our Unsub?"

Barney said, "A what?"

Derek looked at Emily and said, "Right now we are just questioning him."

Prentiss said, "Bring him on in. I am ready to get the hell out of here for tonight."

Barney looked closely at Emily. He noticed that she reminded him a little of Robin. Barney blanched and wondered what the hell was going on with him.

Barney focused his thoughts back to the situation at hand. Morgan was leading him inside the precinct.

JJ who was leaned against a desk speaking to a reporter, notice Morgan, Rossi and Barney walk in. She snorted again at the words, "World's greatest Wingman". She stuttered when she notice the person on the phone began speaking again.

Once they got closer to the interrogation room Derek said, "Barney, unfortunately I can't question you, but just stay calm and answer the questions truthfully."

Barney said, "I got it, Morgan."

Derek patted Barney on the back and said, "Hopefully this goes quickly."

Barney sat down on the metal chair waiting for whomever was going to question him.

Hotch had called the members of the B.A.U over to discuss who would question him,.

Hotch said, "Morgan I think it goes without saying you shouldn't be in there, and because he is a womanizer JJ and Emily would be a distraction. So I think Reid and I should take this one. Anyone have any issues with this?"

When no one spoke in the negative Hotch straightened his tie, grabbed the file Penelope had created for him and with Spencer in tow they went to question Barney.

Barney was slumped down in the chair from sheer boredom. He should have been back at the bar hitting on that scary looking biker chick.

Hotch opened the door with Reid behind him. Reid quickly closed the door and stood leaning against the table.

Barney smirked and said, "Nice shirt, nerd."

Reid straightened out his pink shirt.

Reid took one look at Barney and knew he hated him.

Hotch said, "Barney Stinson. Born 1976. Mother is Loretta Stinson, your father is Jerome Whittaker, and you have three half siblings, James, Carly, and Jerome Jr."

Barney said, "Yeah, so?"

Reid then said, "You seemed to have had an normal, even boring childhood. You grew up in the suburbs where you lived with your half brother. You had little to no contact with your father. Is that why you are doing this because of abandonment issues?"

Barney said, " What..what? No...Yes that's right it was just me, my brother, and my mom but that isn't enough to drive someone to kill."

Reid opened the file he was carrying. He started to place crime scene photos in front of Barney. Immediately Reid noticed the green look Stinson seemed to have adopted.

Barney shuddered and asked, "What the hell, man?"

Hotch leaned forward and said, "Do these women look familiar? Because they should."

Barney said, "Well, I went on a date with each of them, but I didn't do this." He frantically gestured towards the photos.

Reid said, "Well, it can't be just a coincidence that you would have gone a date with these women, and shortly after they turn up dead."

Barney said, "Guys, I know how this looks, but I swear I didn't do this. Trust me, the closest I wanted to get to them was a roll or two in the hay, and a hasty goodbye."

Reid rolled his eyes. He could definitely see how Morgan and this guy in the gray suit would get along just fine.

Hotch said, "Look Stinson, honestly my job isn't to go by what things look like, because frankly the only thing our technical analyst could find, was an unusually high amount of hotel room receipts, and your never ending bar tab. Oh and your very classy online profile. You bought a boat a named it the SS Motorboat. With what looks like two very large breasts."

Barney asked, "So what? I am telling you I didn't do this."

Reid sighed and said, "Because I've never heard that before. Stinson you need to face facts here all of the women that have responded to your posts, are coming up dead, and you don't have the sense to be worried."

JJ knocked on the door and said, "Hotch, Garcia found something."

JJ handed the sheet of paper to Hotch and turned to walk out. Barney eyes stayed glued to her the whole time.

Without even looked at Barney, Hotch said, "Not a chance in hell."

Barney sat with a smug look on his face that most certainly read, "We'll see."

Reid wanted to punch that stupid look off of Stinson's face.

Barney looked at Reid and asked, "What are you staring at?"

Reid said, "The fact that you are in an interrogation room, and you are suspected of killing the women you have gone on dates with, you would think you would be a little less focused on my co-worker and a little more worried about yourself."

Barney said, "Look beanpole, if I was being charged I would lawyer up and quickly. I don't know why this is happening, and yeah I am sorry for it but what just walked out of this room was a blonde bombshell."

Hotch looked at Barney and said, "Look I profile people for a living... So what is her name?"

Barney almost swallowed his tongue.

Barney said, "I don't have the foggiest idea of what you are talking about."

Hotch snorted and said, "Sex isn't going to fix what's wrong with you."

Reid gathered the crime scene photos all the while shooting daggers with his eyes at Barney.

Hotch ignored them both, ready to figure out the next step and head to the hotel.

Penelope was walking out into the precinct's own version of the bullpen when she stopped when a red haired woman was walking towards her.

Lily said, "Um, hi I am looking for Barney Stinson."

Penelope looked at Lily and said, "Of course you are."

Lily took a reflexive step back and said, "Whoa, sorry."

Penelope sighed and said, "No it's not your fault I am just having a bad day."

Lily smiled. She knew she had a way of brightening people's day. She added, "Well you can show me where Barney is, and you could tell me about your day."

Penelope looked at Lily and said, "Look I appreciate what you are trying to do, but seriously the only thing that could fix this is someone finding what the hell happened to my laptop."

Lily muttered something and turned to walk away.

Penelope harshly said, "What was that?"

Lily said, "I mean maybe the computer is the problem then."

Penelope was now boiling with rage. She placed her hands on her hips and said, "Look, little girl. I have no idea who you are, and frankly I don't care, but no one, and I do mean no one talks about my baby like that."

Lily put her hands up in surrender and said, "Lady, you are crazy."

Derek and Marshall were the first to spot the two women sizing each other up.

Marshall looked at Derek and said, "Crap, my wife is about to go nuclear."

Derek looked at Marshall and said, "Not as much as my wife. We gotta stop this."

Marshall stood next to Lily and flinched as he heard her say, "Look if you refer to your computers as babies, maybe you do need help."

Derek jogged over to Penelope in time to hear her yell back, "You have no clue what I can do with those computers, so I suggest you back the hell off, before you find yourself trying to build a time machine to go back to the stone age which is where you will find your credit score!"

Derek wrapped his arms around Penelope and said, "Baby, I think the whole department got the point. Come with me, I'll get you some tea."

Marshall looked at Lily and said, "Nice to see you made a new friend."

Lily snorted and stomped off.

Hotch who witnessed the end of this display pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, and was going to tear the delivery guy that lost Penelope's computer a new one.

_Read in Lily__'__s voice:_

_There are no pleasures in a fight but some of my fights have been a pleasure to win._

_Muhammad Ali _


End file.
